He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
