Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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