And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
