I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish my penis had a tongue
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
