I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
