he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
do nipples grow back?
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