Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
