just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
