How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
