nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
