I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
