My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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