i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
