thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
