college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
