I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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