K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
