I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
