yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
