I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
