Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
