dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
