It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
