I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
