No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sarcasm needs its own font
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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