dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
