I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
