it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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