You can't special order awesome
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
