He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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