WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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