for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
