don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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