I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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