It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
