I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
