the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
