so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
