so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
