Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
