It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
