so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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