I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
