I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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