I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
