Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
True college students do jello shots in the library
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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