My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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