as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
