I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
