I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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