I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
