I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
