So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
